Quotable Quotes

“Lots of people settle right before trial. Seeing the jury all ready to go will freak you out if you’re just playing a game of civil litigation chicken.”

Student: So what do you tell your client if he goes to trial and loses?                                                           Lawyer: Bummer, dude.

(during a client interview role play)                                                                                                             Lawyer: Do you think your using cocaine prevents you from taking care of your child?                                       Client: I mean…it’s a hell of a drug.

Transfer Student: “Is the mens rea of voluntary murder* very different from the mens rea of murder?”           Class: [stunned silence]

 

*There’s no such thing as “voluntary murder”. There is homicide (which assumes some level of premeditation; mens rea = guilty mind) and manslaughter (a killing that was accidental, or occurred with some kind of mitigating circumstance).

 

Quotable Quotes

“Let’s say I want to buy a diamond for my main squeeze and we orally negotiate a contract.” (If you don’t see why I wanted to giggle about this, you’re far more mature than I.)

“You get rewards from Westlaw and Lexis basically as a freebie so you get hooked and subscribe later. Think drug dealers. All they want is your money.” (The emphasis on this last phrase is what really ratcheted up the comedic value…anything to make legal research on a Friday afternoon more bearable!)

 

Why the Constitution is a legal fiction

According to one of my classmates, “It’s not like Benjamin Franklin landed on Plymouth Rock, hit it with a staff and freedom poured out.”

For some reason I was the only person who laughed out loud at this statement? Maybe it’s because it reminded me of one of my favorite Malcolm X quotables, “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, that rock landed on us.” Of course, that reminded me of a scene from Robin Hood: Men in Tights where Ahchoo gives his own twist on that quote in a rousing speech to the Merry Men (video below).

Yeah, it’s dumb. But I take my humor any way I can get it!

 

Quotable Quotes

“Don’t ask questions. Just give in to it.” – My legal writing professor on CREAC (Are we writing or in a potential date rape situation? lol)

“On my tombstone I want written these words: Is he dead? Yes and not yes”- Prof. Favorite, following a lecture on figurative language in the Constitution

 

My Life Story

When I was a senior taking AP Literature, one of our many assignments after reading Their Eyes Were Watching God was to write up a proposal as if we were a movie director and pick the cast for our film adaptation of the book. That was probably the most fun thing I got to do, as the other assignments consisted of an art project (which she all had us redo because our pictures were too elementary), a 10 page analysis and other such things that bored me to death (the fact that I hated the book didn’t help, but that’s a story for another day).

Anyway, in the spirit of winter break fun I’ve combined that exercise along with the email/MySpace/Facebook chain note in which you come up with a soundtrack for your life. Enjoy! Side note: Casting is based on ability to act like my family members, not looks.

Cast:

Brownbelle- Gabrielle Union, of course. She’s cute and like myself, she can go from girl-next-door sweet to siditty nightmare if you push her. It doesn’t hurt that we both have the same complexion and megawatt smiles

Tex- Kadeem Hardison is handsome with a slightly goofy smile, just like my love (it’s so adorable though!), but can be very serious and dignified as well.

Mom- Lynn Whitfield. She’s old school and classy, just like my mother. She’s also very expressive and dramatic…also like my mother!

Dad- Chi McBride. Booming voice? Check. Authoritative, at times overbearing attitude? Check. Roaring laugh? Check. I think he’s got this one in the bag.

Sissy- Anika Noni Rose. This was a hard one. She’s got the same cheeriness and energy as my sister, and can walks the line between sweet and sexy with grace and dignity.

Skeletor- Duane Martin looks nothing like my brother, but he has the appropriate demeanor. Genial when he wants to be, but also sarcastic and prone to joking around just to give you a hard time.

Charles Marrero- Marshall Mathers, bka Eminem. Because Charles has “swag” (lmao).

Ice- Morris Chestnut. Ice would kill me if I was inaccurate and didn’t cast some “sexual chocolate” in his role, so here you go sir! At any rate, they’re both tall with athletic builds and have that all-American charm, so it works.

Maya- Naturi Naughton. Shoot, if she can play Lil Kim then she can play Maya, no problem (lol)!

Sunny- Regina King is great at portraying the down to earth, optimistic girl next door that Sunny is.

Porsche- Sanaa Lathan would capture her attitude and mannerisms perfectly, I think.

HWSRN- Mel Jackson, because he can do bourgie and arrogant oh so well.

So here’s the soundtrack, assuming this is a romantic comedy:

Opening Credits:

Waking Up Scene: Good Morning- John Legend

Getting Ready Scene: So Fly- Slim of 112

Car Driving Scene: Shine Blockas- Big Boi ft. Gucci Mane

High School Flashback Scene: Do It To It- Cherish

Nostalgic Scene: Seasons Change- Jagged Edge ft. John Legend

Angry Scene: What’s Beef- Trina

Agony, Painful Scene: Anxiety- Black Eyed Peas

Break-up Scene: Energy- Keri Hilson

Sad, Breakdown Scene: Cry Together- Prophet Jones

Nightclub/Dance Scene: Say Aah- Trey Songz

Buddy/Sidekick Scene: Get Me Bodied- Beyonce

Dreaming of Someone Scene: Butterflies- Floetry

Contemplation Scene: Apple Tree- Erykah Badu

Love Scene: Bliss- Mariah Carey

Kissing Scene: Love of My Own- Eric Benet

Relaxing Scene: Ascension (Don’t Ever Wonder)- Maxwell

Action/Fight/Confrontation Scene: She Ain’t Got S*** On Me- Letoya Luckett

Victory Scene: Number One- Pharrell ft. Kanye West

Closing Credits: Thank You- Jay-Z

 

Analyview of “500 Days of Summer”

[Note: I wrote this a little while ago and never posted it, so you get a real post today. Enjoy!]

First of all, this is much more analysis than movie review. Either way, if you haven’t seen the movie yet and care about spoilers, this is your official warning. Still reading? Okay then. Watching this movie was a trip for me, because Summer seemed like a female incarnation of HWSRN. It was rough watching the poor guy get his feelings stomped on because I know how it feels to be with someone who is perpetually out of reach. Basically, Summer is a temp at the greeting card company that Tom works at and from day one he’s captivated by her. He convinces himself that she’s out of his league, but with a little prodding from his friends and a lucky twist of fate they end up dating. In the first few months of their “relationship” he asks her what they’re doing and she says, “Who cares? I’m happy. Aren’t you happy?”

RED FLAG!!!

Later on in the movie, Summer is at a bar with Tom. She’s sipping on a cocktail looking bored when another man starts hitting on her. She refuses his advances but he just won’t shut up, so Tom punches him and ends up getting punched back. Once they get back to Summer’s place she acts distant and tries to send him home so she can go to bed. Joseph insists on talking it out since he got beat up for her and she coolly states that they’re “just friends.” Tom is understandably upset- they’ve been dating for three months, spending all their weekends together, exchanging life stories and of course, having sex. He storms out but she knocks on his door in the middle of the night to apologize for getting mad. They have a bit of a heart to heart that ends with the following exchange:

Tom says, “I want…some consistency. I need to know that you won’t wake up in the morning and feel differently.”

Summer says, “I can’t give you that. Nobody can.”

Damn if that is not the EXACT same conversation HWSRN and I had right before I broke things off!

The one thing this movie taught me (well, the thing it would have taught me if I hadn’t already learned by experience) is that people who need labels have no business being with people who don’t like them. It always signals an unreadiness for commitment, because a person who doesn’t want the option of saying “Let’s just be friends” or simply leaving you without explanation doesn’t have a problem with being called your boyfriend or girlfriend.

But to be fair, Tom should have known better. Summer stated upfront that she didn’t want anything serious and she never cheated on him. Although they acted like a couple, she never led him on by talking about their future together, taking him to meet her family or anything of that nature. At the same time though, I can’t help but think it was a bit selfish of her to get involved with Tom. He was clearly smitten from the beginning and was always trying to get her to admit that they had a deeper connection. It should have been equally clear to Summer that he wasn’t capable of a having a casual fling.

Life isn’t like the movies, but they sometimes they’re awfully good at showing people what NOT to do. So have you seen the movie? What did you think of it?

 

“Maybe she’s born with it?” (On Grooming)

Maybe I’m a little too European in my sensibilities, but I don’t get the constant war we wage against body hair. What are we so afraid of? After all, shaving anything other than a man’s beard wasn’t common practice until about 80 years ago. So what changed? As a woman, the lengths we go to in order to make ourselves attractive is ridiculous.

I recently had a conversation with Porsche about eyebrow tweezing. We had dinner Friday night and she said they looked bushy–which puzzled me, as her eyebrows have fine hair and are nearly invisible by my standards. I saw her again at Charles Marrero’s birthday party on Saturday, and she exclaimed something to the effect of, “I got my eyebrows done! Don’t they look so much better?” My pithy reply was, “They look the same to me, but I’m glad you like it.” I’ve never had my eyebrows done. I’m a broke college student, and it takes enough of my money to keep my phone on and hair done. I’d rather buy a meal with that $7! Sissy started doing her eyebrows about a year ago and to me they didn’t look better, just thinner, although Porsche claims that it opens up your face and makes you look like you’re wearing makeup when you really aren’t. “Eh,” says I, to which Porsche responded, “Are you one of those girls who doesn’t shave in the wintertime?” At which point Aristocat piped up “Why are we having this conversation?!?”

To tell the truth I am in fact “one of those girls.” Maybe I’m a little more European in my sensibilities, because  what’s the big deal if my legs don’t look like a gorilla’s? I shave my legs…whenever I feel like it. More so in the summer time of course, because in the winter I’m honestly glad for a little extra insulation (LOL)! Underarms get done semi-regularly because a) I don’t wear a lot of sleeveless things, even in the summertime and b) deodorant doesn’t work very well if it doesn’t touch your skin. Between dealing with my wild hair (even the relaxer can’t tame this beast), trying to find sturdy bras in a size 40C that don’t break the bank and keeping the pantry stocked with supplies for my monthly visitor, I really prefer not to add any extra grooming or hygiene tasks to my list.

I’ve always been low maintenance. No piercings, no tattoos. Never had a weave, never had a manicure until this year when I got paid to do it for a secret shopper program. No makeup–I’ve always had beautiful skin and a brilliant smile so my face is the one thing I’ve never wanted to change about my appearance.  No bikini waxes (you’d have to pay me at least $1000 before I’d consider that form of torture). High heels only on special occasions or when I don’t have  much walking to do. I understand that for most of women, all that stuff is fun and they do it for themselves. Maya’s mantra is “cute before comfort” and that’s all good for her, but I prefer to be as au naturel as possible without having body odor. And no guy I’ve ever dated has had a problem with it so yeah, I think I’ll stay that way.

 

10 Questions

This was surprisingly hard…

1. What is your favorite word?

Shenanigans, hands down!

2. What is your least favorite word?

Racial epithets, and most profanity.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Originality, kindness, and humbleness.

4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Arrogance, narrow-mindedness, and selfishness.

5. What sound or noise do you love?

Rain sticks. Thank you, Discovery Channel Store!

6. What sound or noise do you hate?

Mouth breathing. It just sounds so wet and panty and disgusting. Use your nose, that’s what it’s there for!

7. What is your favorite curse word?

I think “damn” is underrated, and fun to say because it sounds old-fashioned. But when I get really pissed off I tend to drop f-bombs.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I’ve always wished I could draw and do hair. So an artist or a beautician, oddly.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Anything computer science related. Blech!

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“Welcome home!”

 

Life lessons courtesy of Disney

So I was watching “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” today, and I realized that the real moral of the story is: Ethnic minorities are doomed to marginalization, priests are just as perverted as anyone else, ugly people end up lonely, and attractiveness excuses most bad behavior. The entire Disney anthology offers up many gems, some of them untrue, most of them much less cynical than the above. Such as:

1. If you love a man enough, he’ll change for you. -Beauty and the Beast
2. Pretty women are nothing but trouble. -Hercules
3. True love conquers all. -Too many to bother writing down
4. Love is more important than family loyalty. -Pocahontas/ The Little Mermaid
5. Tradition isn’t always the best way to do things. -Mulan
6. Someday, your prince will come, if you wait around long enough. -Sleeping Beauty/Snow White/Cinderella
7. Most people are terrified of the unfamiliar. -Pocahontas/The Fox and the Hound/The Little Mermaid
8. If you’re different, you can be friends but it will be EXTRA hard. -The Fox and The Hound
9. Never growing up is a viable option in life. -Peter Pan
10. The friend zone DOES exist, and you are not immune. -The Hunchback of Notre Dame
11. It’s okay to lie if you have good intentions. -Aladdin
12. Sports bring people together. -Remember the Titans/
13. You won’t always be the most popular person in your group of friends. -Toy Story
14. Fake it til you make it! -Aladdin
15. The bad guys always get what’s coming to them. -EVERY Disney movie ever made
16. Being overly virtuous is often counterproductive; sometimes you gotta get your hands dirty. -Pirates of the Caribbean
17. If your fiance is irresistibly drawn to adventure, just elope because your wedding ceremony will always get interrupted. -Aladdin/Pirates of the Carribbean
18. Overpopulation is SO not a big deal. -101 Dalmatians
19. Just say no to drugs and unidentified substances…you’ll regret if if you don’t! -Alice in Wonderland

 

Five Things

Five things I purchased this weekend:

1. A Marc Ecko hoodie dress.
2. Tickets to see Maxwell, Common and Chrisette Michele next month at Philips Arena
3. More textbooks for class. *sigh*
4. Appetizers and a drink at Strip.
5. Groceries (ok, I cheated a lil bit. my dad bought them!)

Five things I read this weekend:

1. Creative Loafing
2. The Technique (my school newspaper)
3. a few pages of Wisdom Sits in Places by Keith Basso (assignment for my environmental history class)
4. First 3 pages of How to Cook a Tart by Nina Kilham
5. various blogs

Five tasks I accomplished this weekend:

1. Finished my calculus homework.
2. Made a rough budget for the rest of the semester.
3. Got my rainboots and a few other things out of storage.
4. Worked on a personal statement for my law school applications.
5. Did laundry.

Five things I ate this weekend:

1. Sausage, egg & cheese biscuit from McDonald’s.
2. Sara Lee blueberry toast.
3. My mother’s bbq chicken.
4. Lobster bisque.
5. Baby carrots.

Five things on-board for the upcoming week:

1. Catch up on the readings for my Culture & Technology class.
2. Study for the LSAT.
3. Fill out my degree petition and set up an appointment with my advisor.
4. Meet with the honors program director about a scholarship recommendation.
5. Go to the gym and work out at least twice.