Losing weight is friggin’ hard.
To all those people who have naturally fast metabolisms, are gym addicts, or only ever crave completely organic and natural foods…congratulations. I am not one of those people. I’m in a crap mood today (nothing against Valentine’s, it’s PMS) and I need to vent.
For the past five weeks, I’ve been pretty steadily working out 3-4 times a week: hitting the gym or doing an exercise DVD before breakfast. I am NOT a morning person so this is a huge deal for me. On the upside, I can work out longer & harder without quitting and I feel good about making time to take care of myself. On the downside, I have actually gained a couple pounds (although my measurements haven’t changed, so it’s likely muscle). Still…*le sigh*
I have changed my eating habits, replacing junk food with more whole grains, fruits & veggies, but I guess I haven’t reduced my calorie intake enough. Sometimes it just seems like whatever I do won’t be enough and I will be stuck being slightly dissatisfied with my body forever. I don’t want to be skinny, I enjoy my body with a little extra padding. But if I could go down one or two sizes (roughly 30lbs) and get visibly toned, I’d be ecstatic. It’s not just about vanity either. Although I’m fairly proportional, I’m still an apple shape. Every day you read an article about waist size and heart disease and I don’t want to shorten my longevity because I refused to make lifestyle changes out of some deluded version of fat acceptance.
I know it’s not impossible, and I’ve shown myself in the past month that I am capable of successfully making better choices. These things take time. Probably longer in my case, because I was never the stereotypical, “Biggest Loser” person who NEVER worked out and ALWAYS ate the unhealthiest foods and I’ve been at the same weight for a couple of years. So naturally it’s going to take more effort to lose weight because I’m already reasonably healthy. It’s just that sometimes I get discouraged, and I don’t like talking to my other people because they’ll only say, “you look fine the way you are” or “you’re not fat” and that doesn’t help. I’m not doing this because I think I look bad…I just want to look better, feel less self-conscious and most of all be healthier. I’m taking steps in that direction though. One day at a time…
