The Slippery Slope of Victim Blaming

This is a response to a post at Very Smart Brothas entitled, “Rape Responsibility,” and the Fine Line Between Victim-Blaming and Common Sense.

My problem with talking about personal responsibility is that this discussion has a double standard among crimes. Let me hit you with an analogy:

Let’s say I leave my door unlocked and I get robbed. I pull in the driveway just in time to see the robber leaving my house. I go to the police, press charges and take my case all the way to court. Now…even though I left my door unlocked, nobody is going to question that I didn’t want to get robbed. Nobody is going to assert that old dude is wrong for robbing me. Nobody is going to ask me if I knew the guy and even I do know the guy, nobody will say that has any bearing on the wrongness of what he did.

Now, let’s say I drink too much at a party and get raped. I wake up just in time to see the guy’s face as he rolls off of me. From the time I report the crime to the time it goes to trial (IF I can even get the case that far) my entire character is called into question. What was  I wearing? Because if I had on a dress that was too tight and too short, I was asking for it.  How many people have I slept with? Because if I’m not a virgin, I must be a slut. Is he famous? Because if he is I’m clearly lying to get as his money. Was I drinking? Because if so, I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation (this last was actually alluded to in the VSB post). If that’s not convincing, watch the video below for an illustration.

See the problem here? Victim blaming and character assassination are part of the reason why the DSK rape case never made it to trial. Because the maid had lied before in the course of her lifetime (and I ask you, who wouldn’t lie to get the hell out of a war torn country???), she wasn’t a reliable witness. There is no other crime that a person can commit where the victim is so often painted as the architect of her own demise.

The situation becomes even more complex when a woman is raped by her husband, boyfriend or date. Contrary to popular belief, most rapists are not prowling around at clubs and college parties waiting for a woman to get too drunk–they are men who know their victims, often very closely, and may have even had sex with them before. Consent is a moving target and can be revoked at any time. Women are taught from a young age what they can do to protect themselves. What men are NOT taught, and need to be, is that any time consent is debatable you need to zip it up and walk away. It protects not just women, but men too.

After the VSB post went up, the flurry of negative comments led to an edit, which contains this quote:

“But, my whole point is that young men AND young women need to be taught how to behave around the opposite sex, and I don’t see how saying that suggests that I think women should be held responsible for their own rapes.”

*forehead smack*

The problem is that once you start saying a woman should behave a “certain way” around men to protect herself, you de facto state, however inadvertently, that if she gets rape it’s at least partially her fault. I don’t care if a woman stands on top of the bar and shouts, “Everybody f*** me!” If she is passed out drunk when a guy tries to sleep with her, IT’S RAPE. If she shouted it sober, sleeps with four guys, starts making out with a fifth one and then changes her mind but he doesn’t stop…IT’S RAPE. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If women need to be taught how to behave around men, then we all need to be taught how to live life. Don’t park at the back of the parking lot because if you get kidnapped, it’s your fault. Don’t drive with the radio on because it will distract you and if you get in an accident, it’s your fault. Don’t ever go anywhere after nightfall because if you get robbed, it’s your fault. Doesn’t that sound absurd? Then why isn’t it absurd that we insist rape victims behave with nun-like demureness before we believe that they’re innocent?

 

 

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